"i believe the whole Bible: from the table of contents all the way to the maps!"

still wondering about predestination.
for the past 3 years or so.

Paul asks some interesting questions in the book of Romans.
some questions that i'm pretty sure i have asked as well.

"do you presume on the riches of His kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?" (2:4)

"if our unrighteousness serves to show the righteousness of God, what shall we say? that God is unrighteous to inflict wrath on us?" (3:5)

"if through my lie God's truth abounds to his glory, why am i still being condemned as a sinner?" (3:7)

"what if some were unfaithful? does their faithlessness nullify the faithfulness of God?" (3:3)

good questions, Paul.
i think that Paul was completely inspired when he wrote this letter. the Holy Spirit somehow chose to use him to write several amazing works...and i'm so grateful for them.

sometimes people say that they like the gospels more than the epistles, because the gospels are the words of Jesus.

to that i respond: the epistles are the words of Jesus as well.

if we believe that the Scriptures are given by inspiration of God, then we must believe that Paul's words, John's words, etc. have as much authority as the words of Christ Himself. this is because they are the words of the Holy Spirit, Who is also God.

let's treat them seriously.

forgive me as He forgave you

well hello everyone.

i live in a continuous state of blog-reluctancy.
this is due to my abhorrence of anonymous internet arguments. i learned long ago that to do so is to waste time.
still, i savour the art of writing, and enjoy my amateurish share.
therefore, i hope to continue my ramblings, despite the disagreements they may stir up.

i'm sorry to those anonymous readers who think that i will never understand.
perhaps i won't. i'd like to, and that is why i'm searching through the Scriptures. i need your forgiveness again and again for any falsity that i publish here. most of my blogs are simply a stumbling attempt to step closer to the truth, and to be honest-- i now disagree with many blogs i wrote previously. please be patient.

but above all-- i never want to dishonour the name of God. i hope you understand that i view God as quite the opposite of a "being of absolute evil."
there are many things i don't know about the character of the Lord, but if there is one thing i do know it is that He is good. if i implied in my last post that God was anything but perfect, please erase that thought from your mind.

perhaps i didn't express my true thoughts accurately. this is the danger of the written word.
i wish you were here so we could speak.

make no mistake:
God is compassionate. gracious. full of love. patient with us. slow to get angry. merciful. pure. holy.
and in His love for me, He saved me.
the only answer i can give as to "why" He saved me is that He is merciful. it certainly isn't anything that i did to deserve His kindness. it's not about what i do, but it's about Who He is.

my thoughts on the justice of God, on the existence of hell, on predestination, and on my depravity do not lead me to conclude anything negative--only that He is merciful. He does not give me what i do deserve, and He does give me what i don't deserve. phew.

if i thought that everyone deserved salvation, then i would get angry with God for creating those who aren't ever going to be saved. but i don't. i find only gratitude for His grace in saving any of us.

ok ok ok

i've got 9 minutes and 46 seconds to get a thought across.

total depravity.
as a Christian, i believe that everyone is born with a sinful nature.
this means that from birth we are slaves to sin. it is impossible for us not to sin. it is impossible for us to please God.
i also believe that because of that, everyone deserves punishment-- namely hell.
God, in justice, has the right to send everyone to eternal punishment.
including me.

also,
i believe that Jesus was perfect in every way, and didn't have a sinful nature.
He is the Son of God.
He died because of our sins, to take our punishment for us.
because of this, i am not going to hell.

i believe that in our sinful state, it is impossible to repent, and impossible to have faith in Christ.
i think that we can only become Christians if God enables us to.

we have free will-- we can do what we desire to do.
but as sinful creatures, we don't desire Christ, we don't desire holiness, we only desire sin.
we have the ability to do what we desire, but we don't desire Christ unless He gives that desire to us.

that is why i believe in predestination.
i still don't understand why God seems to give some people the desire to turn to Him and not all.

but i do know that He owes salvation to NO ONE.
we have no right to get angry at Him because He only chooses to enable some of us.
if He was obliged to give the whole world grace, then it wouldn't be grace.

i'm inexpressibly grateful that God has changed my heart.
i know that, in my natural form, i desire nothing except sin and to please myself.
i am in awe that He chose to transform me and save me.
because He has saved me-- i have faith in Him, and i follow Him.

maybe faith doesn't get us saved,
maybe we are saved by God, and then faith is the fruit of that. maybe we aren't saved because we repent, but we repent because we are saved.

fear of God,
and understanding my own depravity,
has finally helped me to get a glimpse of His grace.

so there you have it.
my most recent thoughts.

1 minutes and 35 seconds left.
i think i'm done.

This wound was a two year process.

It all started two years ago, when I was scrubbing the floorboards of the room,
In the Shaldon Hotel, down the hall, and around the corner from good old room 218,
Because my philanthropist roommates suggested
That we do “Extreme Home Makeover: Slum Hotel Edition.”
As I washed, a splinter of the slipshod floorboards dug down deep under my nail.

My finger has never been the same since,
With a thick white scar, and a diagonally slanted nail.
This didn’t bother my in any way, except for my hand vanity.

On Sunday night, the guys were playing violent floor hockey and I was bored.
I’d rather drink tea and chat.
So, I fulfilled my gender stereotype and
Washed their dishes, instead of joining them.
I’m not too lady-like though—
Up to my elbows in slimy bubbles and orange water (the drain was blocked),
Pouring gallons of elbow grease and steel wool into the mix.
I let out all my rage on that damn, unappreciated cookie sheet,
Stained by years of torpid teenager’s stubborn pizza grease.

The cruel combination of grease, suds, and steel
Led to my finger’s flaw breakdown.
The scar split,
And I thought I might go into shock from lack of blood.

Happy International Women's Day.

Dinnertime at Hope Renfrew

“Dinner is ready!”
Ready, finally.
She’s finally ready to open and share her life with us.
It’s taken some time, but the long-awaited bell has now chimed.
After years of preparation,
Anticipate. (Her story, that is, not dinner.)

“Please pass me the salt.”
The shaker is passed.
She shakes as she passes on to another grave tale of woe.
Didn’t know that much sorrow was possible for one to take.
Without shrivelling like a slug.
Way, way, too much. (Her sorrow, that is, not the salt)

“More juice for you, Grace?”
Carefully, I pour.
She pours out, lavishly, generously, easily, her heart
Her heart stretches and holds more than her glass would ever want to.
Both transparent for the moment
Horrible stuff. (Her anguish, that is, not the juice)

“Ice cream for dessert.”
Mmm, such soft sweetness.
She’s always so sweetly determined to be softly spoken
Despite the trauma that she experienced back when she was—
Her affect is like a raw child.
Delectable. (The ice cream, that is, not her past)

“I’ll wash, and you dry.”
Ew. Dirty dishes.
She feels dirty; everyone she knew used to tell her she was.
We can scrape and scrub and rinse until the heavy job is done.
As long as it will have to take.
Clean and perfect. (The dishes, that is, and the girl.)

Anticipate. Way, way too much. Horrible stuff. Delectable. Clean and perfect.
Her story, that is, not dinner.
Her sorrow, that is, not the salt.
Her anguish, that is, not the juice.
The ice cream, that is, not the past.
The dishes.

The girl.

hosanna.

sometimes i wonder if we are an exiled people.

throughout history, the Hebrew people went in and out of exile.
they knew that a Messiah was coming, but they didn't know what they were looking for. they knew that they needed to follow God's commands from the past, but they weren't sure what He was saying in those days. God seemed silent.

we, the people of God, are spread all around, knowing something of what is to come-- Christ's return.
many of us are unsure of what to do right now-- and feeling directionless. we want to hear from Him, and we're all kept waiting, wondering what's going to happen next.

however, throughout history, the Lord has used exile to do some miraculous things.
for example:

*de-centralized worship (people began to build synagogues all over-- they no longer believed that the Lord was only present at Zion).

*the writing of the Torah in the lingua franca-- Aramaic

*the Hebrew people began to notice that God was elsewhere in the world, and in fact began witnessing! "God-fearers" came to know Yahweh, and pagan cultures were "evangelized" to monotheism, as a result of the exile. this prepared the way for the gospel of Christ among the nations.

*when the Israelites were gathered together again, only those who were devoted returned-- exile cleansed the people of the idolaters.

what is the Lord going to do in our time of exile?
purge us of idolatry? spread us around the world, bringing the truth with us? something new and beautiful that we have yet to understand?
i long for His return, i long for Him to gather us together, but i KNOW His timing is perfect.

hello, again

okay okay okay.

if i ever again neglect blogging for an extended period of time, y'all have my permission to bug me about it.

if i knew that there was a certain spot in my city where i could stand, at a certain time of day, and everyone would stop and listen-- it would irresponsible of me to not show up to that spot, at that time, and preach the gospel.
likewise, people read blogs. we should make the most of this opportunity.
so i'm going to try and jump back on the bandwagon, we'll see how this goes.

i'm considering starting a series, that may one day turn into a book, called something like, "What must i do to be saved?"
my writings on holiness have all been clear and steady.
my writings on salvation are more likely to be a struggle, because i have so many diverse, half-baked thoughts on this far-reaching theme.

it will include topics such as:
repentance
grace
faith
predestination
works
judgement
hell/heaven
the end of the world
fear of the Lord
character of the Lord
evangelism
free will

you can expect me to launch off into these themes in my next few entries.

i'll leave you with that for now, and also with this--
stay close to Jesus.

Christ

"You are the God of the broken,
the Friend of the weak.
You wash the feet of the weary,
embrace the one in need.

i want to be like You, Jesus,
to have this heart in me.
You are the God of the humble,
You are the Humble King."

He yokes Himself to the suffering, and suffers along with them.

when i yoke myself to the suffering, i meet Him there.
and it is the most intimate place to be.

Calmenianism

"The coming of the lawless one is by the activity of Satan with all power and false signs and wonders, and with all wicked deception for those who are perishing, because they refused to love the truth and so be saved.
Therefore God sends them a strong delusion, so that they may believe what is false, in order that all may be condemned who did not believe the truth but had pleasure in unrighteousness."
2 Thessalonians 2:9-12

"Yet, before the twins were born or had done anything good or bad—in order that God's purpose in election might stand: not by works but by him who calls—she was told, "The older will serve the younger." Just as it is written: "Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated."

What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! For he says to Moses,
"I will have mercy on whom I have mercy,
and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion." It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy. For the Scripture says to Pharaoh: "I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden.

One of you will say to me: "Then why does God still blame us? For who resists his will?" But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' " Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?

What if God, choosing to show his wrath and make his power known, bore with great patience the objects of his wrath—prepared for destruction? What if he did this to make the riches of his glory known to the objects of his mercy, whom he prepared in advance for glory— even us, whom he also called, not only from the Jews but also from the Gentiles?"
Romans 9:11-24

in my own reason, Wesleyan-Armenianism makes sense. when i think about what i understand about who God is, and how things work, the only conclusion i come to is-- God wants everyone to be saved, and it's up to our free will to choose Him or to choose to run away from Him.
my assumptions about God lead me to think that predestination is bogus.

and then i read the Bible-- and all my understanding is shattered!
logic tells me that God calls everyone, and it's up to us whether we are saved.
but the Bible, not my logic, appears to be telling me that God creates some people for destruction, and even sends deception to people, so that they will be condemned.

it still doesn't totally jive with my logic,
but what is logic compared to the WORDS OF GOD?

humble me, God.

happy birthday 2 darren hailes,dave laboss,melissa wight,dan white,jeremy strain,nate irvine,jessica bryant,janet munn

in cell this week we read Deuteronomy 11. good stuff.
part of the chapter was talking about "remember the miraculous deeds of the Lord," specifically His might in delivering His people from Egypt.

we were asked the question, "what miraculous deeds has the Lord done in your life?"

people were mentioning being delivered from addiction (that was the most recurring), fast recovery from injury, and the like.
as i tried to reflect on the most obviously Divine miracle in my life what i came to was--
the restoration of my relationship with my mother.

i briefly explained how we were broken apart for a few years, but how He has TOTALLY turned our hearts back towards each other, closer than ever before.
in my recollection, that's the most miraculous thing in my life.
:o)
what a miracle. He has always been good to us.

this will tie in later on.

after a kickin time of worship last night, a gang of us crammed into the van and got pizza. as we drove, we did "drive by blessings."
we'd roll down the windows and yell blessings or prayers or encouragement to passers by. we were ESPECIALLY cool because of our aviator "csm" sunglasses, and our trip hop music.

sounds quirky, but the Lord TOTALLY used it, even in a way visible to us.

first we saw a lady shivering and coughing under a blanket right outside of the Salvation Army Grace Mansion. Nicole was working there that night, and she was outside talking to her, trying to help her out.
so we pulled up, and got her to come into our car. her name is Joleen. we hooked her up with some chamomile tea, clean dry shoes and a scarf, and drove her to a newly discovered women's shelter.
as we sat in the (sauna) car, waiting for the shelter to open, we talked with her about her life.
she told us that she moved to BC with her mother.
i asked her if they were still close.
she said they used to be, but now they refuse to speak.
interesting timing, as i've been reflecting on the restoration in that area of my life. so we prayed for reconciliation, for healing, and for truth.
i pray that she experienced the love of Christ.

then we drove by some of Dan's teens at a party.
we're so proud of them-- because they were the only ones not drinking! :o) yay!
so we kidnapped 2 of them and took them to 7-11 to get slurpees.
mm.

what miraculous deeds has the Lord done in your life?
remember.